jagnla's Xanga

What else is there to say?

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 05:50:41 GMT

What is there to say?

I wish I had the wisdom of the ages and could somehow verbalize a truth that would make yesterday's horrific events in Virginia sensible. However, it is impossible to find logic in the irrational - we cannot make sense out of the unreasonable. And surely death of such magnitude, particularly the demise of so many, so young and with so much promise is without reason.

As is always the case, the media has jumped all over the "why." They know there is just no easy answer...there is no "why" to explain mental illness of this sort. Logically, we turn our attention to where we can place blame.

How could no one have seen this man's troubled mind simmering to boil?
How could the police have waited so long between the two incidents?
Why didn't the school shut down and warn students & faculty?

There are answers to all of these questions surely. Some are valid, others not so much. The fact remains that they do little to assuage how sense of loss and the feeling of helplessness that everyone is left with. You don't have to be a student at Virgina Tech to feel this. You don't have to be a parent or friend. It is akin to the feelings we all had after the September 11th attacks. Helpless. It is like looking into someone else's casket - it inevitably saddens us because it reminds us of our own mortality..."weep not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee."

There are those - especially in the media - who are insisting on answers and explanations about some of these questions because they somehow feel that there will be some sense of safety and assurance in the answers. Sorry, folks. There is no answer for mental illness. There is no answer for mindless, senseless violence. Again like the terrorist attacks, we will never be able to fully guard ourselves against the unthinkable and unimaginable.

All we are left with is the one thing that we can best use to thwart the isolation and disenfranchisement that gives safe harbor to so many disturbed minds -- each other. We can communicate, we can reach out to friends and strangers. Say something, say nothing - just touch each other. When a man becomes an island he loses that sense of humanity that effectively preempts most of us from doing such mostrous acts. Gathering collectively,be it via e-mail, phone or in person gives us back that sense of community and that ability to feel one another.

We were ill-equipped to preclude Monday's events from occurring. We have both a mental health system and a law enforcement system that are both overburdened. The only effective weapon we have is an army of people willing to communicate their feelings and thoughts with each other.

The Weekend

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 08:41:42 GMT

No pics to share (yet, I'll update later), but its been another interesting weekend.

Helped a Northern Cali friend do some photo and video shooting for his website Friday. Its a tough job, holding lights, running a camera and generally tending to the needs of some extremely beautiful models all day - but hey, I'm always willing to do the dirty work, LOL!

Arisara

If you get the chance, say "Hi & Happy Thai New Year" to Arisara! She's a new model from Thailand. She's beautiful, but more importantly, she's just a super person! A little on the shy side, she is also very smart, very sweet and extremely down-to-earth. Add to that a bright personality and mega-watt smile and you have Arisara!

(I'm going to link to a couple of the other models from yesterday, but I need to warn you that their profiles may contain mature content.)

Evelyn Lin

Evelyn Lin is a quickly up and coming star in the world of Adult Entertainment. We were talking about all the e-mails and fans she has been getting. Its amazing just how fast a name can spread worldwide. Her website is just getting up and running and is already getting hits from countries whose names I can't even spell! And deservedly so. Its been awhile since I've met someone so young who is as focused on success, as professional and disciplined in her career and just has all the right attitudes. I have a feeling that this incarnation may only be the tip of the iceberg for Evelyn. She'll be garnering attention in more and newer forums soon enough.

Lystra

And if you are into the world of 'alt-modelling' or fetish modeling, you may already know Lystra. ( I won't link to her page cuz its private). She has worked with notable photogs such as Lithium Picnic and Bob Coulter of crazybabes.com fame. She is uniquely pretty, fun and just an interesting personality to meet.

Lystra (with Apnea) by Lithium Picnic

I can definitely can think of worse ways to spend Friday the Thirteenth!

And then tonight - an about face and it was all about the kids again! My nephew's Cubscout Troop went to Irwindale Speedway for a night at the races. More pics of the races coming later!

"Its a small world afterall..."

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 07:41:36 GMT

Today was my finall day of "Daddy-duty," as my bro returns from Orlando tomorrow. So I went out in style and took the little critters to Disneyland. Manny has definitely brainwashed these two...besides LeggoLand, Disney is their favorite place on earth!

We went on a few quick rides and did the bumper cars that Zoe loves so much. I should also mention that as an experienced hang-glider, California Soaring is as close to the real thing as they come!

Then chaos hit. This is what the little ones looked like early in the day:

But after the heat got to them and the kids insisted on visiting the water-rides

We decided to change into the alternate clothing and hit the waterfalls - I knew they'd go for that...and this is what ensued...

Yeah, Uncle JAG got a little moist, also! (and bonus points to anyone who can tell me where we got the idea for the tee-shirts!)

All in all, a perfect day all-around! But frankly, I'm totally okay with going back to just being an Uncle!

The rest of the photos are in this album.

Cubscouts, Pinewood Derbies and why I love my nephew!

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 03:58:16 GMT

Yep, you knew I was going to have to throw a quick blog up about the Cub Scout Pack meeting last night that I mentioned in my last blog! Hey, its my world, right?

My brother is actually the denleader...I'm just a (frequent) subsitute. I wasn't really too into the idea of taking his place Monday until he told me that they were getting ready for the annual Pinewood Derby Races! What boy doesn't have fond memories of Pinewood Derby Racing? I was psyched! This was gonna be a blast. You wouldn't believe how major this thing has become! Their are websites to help you build your car, there are sites to help you plan the actual races - even sites directing you to OTHER websites about Pinewood Derbies, LOL!

Alex and I got a bit of a head start on our car by surfing the internet just to get an idea of how this is all done. It was a good idea, as we came to the meeting with designs in hand and an idea of what we wanted our car to look like. I'm glad we did because the biggest obstacle for the other kids seemed to be just creating some abstract concept in their head. I have to say, it was poorly done by the Pack. They sat 50 young kids with no clue down, threw the necessary tools at them and said "Go to it!"

Mass mayhem ensued. Having our design already set allowed Alex to go around and help out the other kids in his den - which made me one VERY PROUD Uncle! I don't think you can teach a kid of 8 years to think so altruistically...either they do or don't. And I'm so happy to see my Alex using his knowledge not just to build a great car, but to help all those other confused friends of his. It was a bunch of fun and the kids seemd to really enjoy it after they got over the initial shock and confusion.

Here's the pics

Like I said...mass mayhem!

and of course, Alex!

and his two pals, Austin (and oh yeah, Austin's extremely pretty, very nice and very divorced Mom, LOL! )

Playing Surrogate Dad!

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 13:31:24 GMT

So, with my big brother out of town on business, I got to play Surrogate Dad this weekend - and it continues tomorrow. We started the weekend out Saturday with Alex's Little League game and a trip to Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles in Pasadena with Dad before his flight. Then Sunday, Mom, his sister Zoe, Alex & I went on a trip to the Mt. Baldy Trout Pools to go fishing with his Cub Scout Den. I think this place is where the saying "easy as catching fish in a barrel" originated - as thats pretty much what it is...two small man-made "ponds" stocked to the rim with trout. Not a ton of skill involved, LOL!

It ends Monday might with a Cub Scout Pack meeting...getting ready for the big Pine Wood Derby Car races next month!

Here are a few pics and the rest are in this album

Alex has some good form at the plate!

and Zoe's getting ready to play, too!

Showing him how its done...

Alex & Justin

Austin, Mason & Ning

and at the end of the day...one very tired JAG

|Picture courtesy of Alex, LOL!

A Man turns A Half-Century!

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 09:14:19 GMT

As I sat down at the 'puter tonight, I was watching Showtime at the Appollo. Still unsure whether I watch this show to see be amazed by all the young, talented amateurs or to laugh hysterically at the woeful wannabes - but its a great show nonetheless! So its a non-sequitir to the rest of this blog, but I just feel like saying that LaBelle rocked and Lady Marmalade is one of the funkiest songs I can remember!

Oh yeah - and add to that the fact that the combo of Before I Let You Go and No Diggity prove Teddy Riley was Da Man in the mid '90s. Whatever happened to the sounds of New Jack Swing and where is Tony! Toni! Toné!, when we need them?

Oh and one more related thought before I begin blogging:
People, please stop going on these talent contest shows and trying to sing either Stevie or Luther. Leave it alone, folks! It never works for ya! ( and if you need those last names, forget it and go listen to your John Tesh discs)

But anyway, back to tonight...

Today is this man's 50th birthday:

This is my older brother Manuel (Manny). He is the second of five (yep, I'm the last!). I consider him perhaps my best friend. I never knew that until about 1992, though. Being so much older than myself, I really don't have tons of childhood memories of he and I...most of mine involve the two brothers closer in age to myself. Whats more, Manny was smart enough to shake the dust of our little town after high school and has never really lived anywhere near the rest of the family. Unlike my other brothers, who like so many people in my home town settled down nearby, he went off to college (like myself to The University of Notre Dame), then to law school at Columbia in New York city where he settled before moving to Los Angeles in 1992 when he began working for Disney. Besides family events, I hardly ever saw him.

I had been in Los Angeles for a little over a year when Manny arrived. Not being all that great at keeping in touch with my family, they had no idea where I was living or how to contact me and I was totally unaware that he had been recruited to work for Disney. (officially, he is a Senior Vice-President in charge of Product Liability and Chief Counsel for Environmental Affairs) I had no clue that he was here and looking for me until he had been here almost a full year!

At the time, I had a female friend who was a taxi driver. She had decided to make some extra cash and work a few nights and I had volunteeered to ride along with her - I didn't like the idea of her driving alone picking up strangers at night in Los Angeles. Early on one evening we got a call to pick up a guy at the Disney studio guard gate who was in a full-leg cast and thus unable to drive. Imagine my surprise when we arrived and I took one look at this dude. He didn't see me as he got in the cab. I doubt he even noticed there was another person sitting up front with the driver until we arrived at his destination and as he walked away, I said "Have a good night, Manny!"

He almost died! Here he had been living in L.A. for a year and knew I was somewhere here, but had given up ever finding out where I was until and if (at the time, a pretty BIG "if") I ever wrote home! It was incredible and to think, if he hadn't been such a bad skier, we may never have run into one another!

After that we became running buddies. I found out as we began to spend more time together just how alike we are. I mean, I knew we went to the same college (years apart), but I didn't realize we both couldn't wait to leave that small-town mentality we had grown up with...we are both considered "black sheep" of our family...we both had definite issues with our father - and many other things. We ended up leasing a beautiful a house in the Hollywood Hills with a great view of the famous Hollywood sign together and enjoyed quite the bachelor life for a couple years until he ruined everything by getting married, LOL!

I credit him with helping me to gain perspective on many things, with being the first one to slap me back to my senses when I'm losing my damn mind and with just always being there. I also credit him with helping me to see that I was allowing the problems between my Dad and I get in the way of the relationships I had with my other brothers who I love so dearly.

Tonight was sort of weird. Besides being an extremely funny and generous guy with a huge heart, I know Manny as this guy who refuses to get organized, who refuses to ever get anywhere on time, who refuses to pick-up after himself and who is nearly impossible to live with. We had a birthday party for him tonight at Il Fornaio in Old Town Pasadena. Most of the people in attendance were other people from Disney - everything from other Executives (even the CEO sent a note) to secretaries he's had through the years. There were also people from the various charitable organizations he's worked on and other assorted friends. It was strange to hear these people speaking so deferentially about this guy and it reminded me that besides just being a normal dude with two adorable kids and a big ole home, he's actually a fairly accomplished, intelligent and successful man.

Whatever...to me, he's always going to be the guy who put our middle brother in a forty gallon drum and rolled it down a hill just to see if he'd live!

To me, he is also the man who brought these two beauties into my world and changed everything:

...oh yeah, and as the guy who never does the dishes!

listen with your heart?

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 07:58:22 GMT

I have a friend. A dear, dear soul with whom I have shared a lot of myself and had much shared in return. She is a beacon in the dark and lights my soul with every exchange. Somehow, though, I have begun to feel recently that I'm having difficulty truly communicating some issues with her. I feel like I cannot describe whay I am experiencing and often I wonder if I am truly appreciating what she in turn is sharing with me. I've been thinking about this a lot because it bothers me. So far, this is all I can come up with and I'm hoping it helps.

When words are spoken to you do you listen with your heart?

We all have are back story. The unique journey that makes us who we are. For some the journey may have been more of a challenge then for others. But, it is this journey and its uniqueness for each person that makes it important for us to listen and see with our heart.

You never know exactly what someone else has gone through in their life, and how it has affected them. Because of abuse or abandonment they my not know how to express themselves, or they may act out in what may be considered a self –destructive way. It is important to take a moment and not pass judgment, but to see them with our hearts.

This is not to say that you have to keep a negative or destructive energy in you life, but for those that you choose to keep in your life it is important that you see and hear them with your heart, as it is important that you try to help them see and hear you with theirs.

We all have a story some of us overcome the challenges , and some of us don't , but we all have a story. So, in your relationships when something goes on that bothers you, take a moment and think about what you do know about that person and magnify it by 10. (Believe me, when we tell the stories of our past we never really tell the whole story.) Some people work through their challenges and overcome them, but for some those challenges hang over their lives like a dark cloud. For that reason it is important that when see people for who they are, not for who we want them to be. And, if we are going to continue to have them in our lives we must accept them for who they are back story and all, and not who we think the should be.

So, when you speak, with speak with love, and listen with your heart. Because you never know you could be in someone's life, or them in yours to heal an old wound.

Do you see and hear with your heart????

A week in the world of Adult Cinema

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 09:52:21 GMT

Okay, this one is going to be a little different. There are some out there who may be totally uninterested and some who may be offended...feel free to move on or even to scream at me - whatever moves you .

Some of you who have read my page in the past may know that I have a certain group of friends whose careers could be considered "alternative." Between living where I live and managing the apartment building I use to manage and due in part to some of the substance abuse counseling I do, I have come to know a goodly amount of people involved in Adult Entertainment...porn. I happen to live in Los Angeles's San Fernando Valley, where 90% of the porn in this country is produced and where most of the studios are located - as well as a great many of the performers. Hence the name "Porn Valley." I have come to know some truly magnificent personalities and some truly amazing people through these connections. Yeah, I have some issues with the industry as a whole (I do with most industries), but the people I have encountered have been a gift. Some are crazy, some are intense, some intelligent, some not-so...in short, they have been people - much like people you'd meet anywhere and I just celebrate the ones who have contributed so much to my world.

Anywho...this past week I had a friend visiting from New York City (where all the Salsa is made). He is a journalist/writer by trade and covers the entertainment filed for various news organizations. In fact, he just released a great guide to the Jazz scene in NYC.

Skronker, as he is called by his friends, also covers the world of porn and was in L.A. to visit with several performers to do interviews and visit video-shoots. Since so many of these were people friends we had in common, I decided to tag along with him and re-visit some folks. It turned into an exhausting ride through an interesting world.

The first day, we stooped by the set of an Elegant Angel Studios production and interviewed the lovely Keeani Lei.

I don't know Keeani well, but we have spoken several times and exchanged a few e-mails and she is super interesting - a Panamanian/Chinese mix who happens to also be an accomplished Skateboarder and surfer of reknown. We chatted with the director and left to have lunch with and interview the Black Male star Jack Napier before returning to the Elegant angel studios to watch them editing some soon-to-be-released videos and speak with founder and owner and porn icon Patrick Collins.

The following evening we had dinner with some of the greatest performers (and some of my very favorite people I've met recently): Adrianna Nicole , (who for some strange reason seems to doubt my total infatuation with her, LOL!) Lorelei Lei, Annette Schwarz, Gia Paloma, Bobbi Starr and Mark Spiegler of Spieglers Girls Talent Agency. {warning, some nudity involved in link} Although the company was stupendous, I'm afraid our conversation scared off a couple of people sitting too close and eavesdropping too hard into our conversation! I was lucky, in fact to share dinner with some of these people a couple times this week - so much for the diet!

Friday we visited a really interesting video shoot. Adam & Eve Productions has begun to release lines of "Alt-porn" videos starring and produced by some very accomplished artists. The set was a fairly nondescript warehouse in an industrial area of Crenshaw in L.A. and it promises to have a very unique look! I'd love to say I actually watched the filming, but with so much for the to do onset, we beat feet after conducting interviews with stars Satine Phoeniz, Tyler Knight, producer Ron Royster director and the incredible photographer Benny ProfaneBob Coulter of www.crazybabe.com
{nudity of a more artistic sort}

some pics from the set:

Anyone familiar with today's world of porn may recognize this wonderful young lady who has taken the industry by storm - Sasha Grey

She is easily one of the most charming, attractive and intelligent woman of her tender age that I have ever met and it was just very interesting to make her acquaintance. While we were there, the set was visited by Katsumi, a simply perfect specimen of a French-Vietnamese adult entertainer who was there to interview Sasha for a televison show she hosts back in her home country. (nice TV they have in France! ) For me, this was like icnig on the porn-cake - I adore Katsumi!

Check out hottie Satine Phoenix!

All the photos from the day are in my gallery here! {slight warning again!}

And then on Saturday, we hung out with a great friend, the director fondly (and amusingly) known as Von Swine. He was shooting Adrianna with porn legend Sean Michaels.

Here's the infuckingcredible Adrianna in make-up spending the .02 seconds it takes to make her beautiful!

{okay, this time I'm serious - do NOT click this link if you are offended by nudity}
the rest of the pics are here!

All in all, this week sure beat my normal work-week! Interesting personalities, charming and beautiful women and the opportunity to see an art form created sure beats the hell out of a two and a half hour commute to a nothing temp job!

A history of greatness

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 03:34:17 GMT

Many Buddhists, Hajj pilgrims, and members of the Hare Krishna movement shave their heads. The Maasai people of Africa traditionally shave their heads.

In modern times, we've had Michael Jordan, Andre Agassi, there's been:
Mr. Clean
C
Captain Picard

and now...

Britney Spears!

Perspective - use it or lose it!

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 04:43:17 GMT

perÂ·specÂ·tive [per-spek-tiv]
Perspective (cognitive), one's "point of view", the choice of a context for opinions, beliefs and experiences.

Perspective is a strange thing. Even the most well adjusted of people are apt to lose it at times and it often seems the harder one concentrates on keeping it, the easier it becomes to lose it.

I often worry about (hint: cute pic link following!) Alex and Zoe, my niece and nephew here with me in California. My brother has done well - fantastically well. It is every parent's wish to see their children do better in life than they did themselves - and many parents live to happily see that ocur with their children. However, it is rare that one single child rises two or three entire socio-economic levels beyond their upbringing. It is admirable that neither of my parents ever got past the 10th grade, yet all five of their sons have college educations and two of them have Ivy League law degrees. But for my brother Manny, the difference is amazing. The five of us were born in raised in a home that could probably fit in his family room alone! He is most likely paying more in taxes each year than my father ever earned in his entire working life. The activities he participates in, the people he interacts with - the very life he and his family live are foreign things to my family.

I'm proud of him, of course - but I worry. Its hard to imagine that my niece and nephew can appreciate the difference in their reality and what life is all about for the majority of people around them. The schools they go to are extremely exclusive and very difficult to gain admission to, and their world is filled with excess. (hell, even the darn kindergartens they went to required rigid application processes and cost more than some colleges!) I worry that they will not have proper perspective on things - how could they? At seven years old, Alex has already done things and been places that most adults can only dream of. He has stood on an aircraft carrier's deck and watched the filming of major movies, he has sat in a the lap of a pilot flying the U.S. Navy's finest fighter-aircrafts and been on a tour of the private areas of the White House. Hell, he stood on the mound at Dodger's Stadium before a game, was introduced by name to the crowd and even had his image on the Jumbotron!!!

How does a 7 year old keep that in perspective with the pain and suffering that is merely miles away from his home?

After Alex's soccer game today, we went to his buddies 8th birthday party. I was in awe as soon as we arrived. This kids house was not a mansion - it was a frigging estate! I tried to take a photo of the place, but it was impossible to get enough of it in the lens's view in order to really represent it! It truly was glorious, beautifully decorated home. Behind the main house, there were not one, not two, but three smaller guesthomes! One was for the live-in Nanny and her family and one for his in-laws...and one just was! An empty two-bedroom home that could comfortable house a small family sitting there empty in a city filled with homeless people!

This only child had a full basketball court with lights, a batting cage, a swimming pool, a trampoline and a tennis court in his backyard! And he still had enough room left over for about twenty kids to play flag football during the party. There was, of course, the obligatory "Bounce-House" that every one of these parties seems to have nowadays, and there was a clown and some story tellers there for the younger siblings - there was also a professional photographer there who not only took pictures of every single child and parent - he had them edited and printed and presented them to the kids on their way home! To say that this eight year old's birthday party was a major deal would not be an understatement.

This kind of stuff really worried me. I am delighted to see Zoe and Alex having access to great schools and a safe life - but I just wonder if there is any human way to keep this in perspective.???

In what seems to be a case of the rich getting richer, my brother's house earns income. Several movies and television shows have used his rooms, yard, etc to film and it gets used for commercials and print ads quite regularly. The year I had heart surgery (2005), his home actually earned more income than I did! The funds go straight into their college funds and at 7 years old, he is better financially set for college than I was graduating High School! Of course, Mom & Dad have their children's entire futures fairly well mapped out in their own minds...college, grad school and beyond!

But what if Xoe or Alex decide they don't want to go to college? Is that so wrong? Given the circumstances of their upbringing and all this financial prep, I'm sure Mom & Dad would be crushed - but what about just being a happy, healthy adult? Isn't that enough?

I was ruminating aloud about this today to my brother and my mind began racing ahead to all of the assorted different situations that could ocur and all the assorted drama that could evolve from raising two children of priviledge in what is still an often difficult world. I mused about getting a reality-slap in the face later in life, about not being able to interact normally with most children their own age...hell I even foresaw the likely heart-attack my brother would inevitably have when Zoe tells him that she has decided to drop out of High School and tour with a rock and roll band, LOL!

My brother looked at the kids running around this gorgeous yard, listened to their squeals of excitement, looked back at me and said:

"John, he's seven years old...try to get a little perspective, will ya? "

Like I said: perspective...its a funny thing!